Nebulae Spiral

I have visions of abstract spirals I can’t find in any art on ebay. anyone else? I’m thinking red and black with a grey borders, mathematically perfect yet chaotic. very large. and planetary. I would attempt it with photoshop, but I don’t think my brain works that way very well. There is something to be said with creating something physically with your hands, as opposed to a kbd+clicker thing. I have some vacation time coming to me, Id like to see what I can come up with. I wanna see what life without code is for long enough to get used to it :)

life without email would sorta kick ass. you know what does kick ass? kexp.

what am i doing here…
alt+t enter w enter space alt+tab F5 F10 F10 F10 F5? repeat?

this is the one.  Until I finish my own. 

Crazy day.  Today ( yesterday? ) was my daughters 10th birthday.  I remember thinking when she was born that this day would come, although I never really believed it. 

This means I will be 30 soon. 

There are quite a few things I thought I would have done by 30… and I have done quite a few of them.  I did not predict my state of mind very well, however.  I am far more mentally stable than I thought I would be, far less expressive with my creativity though.  Hence, the blog.  The chance to wax poetic again when the mood strikes me, the chance to vent and express and connect and maybe even offer my brain to the masses if the request is made of me.  intellectual aspects aside, however, now is the time to focus on my physical being.  I feel less drive to be physically active now than ever before, but I don’t blame that on age as much as where my focus has been: work. 

Except for the last weeks, I have been focused on nothing but work for years.  I have let everything else take the back seat, especially over my personal relationships.  I could dissect that, but playing personal therapist from such a self critical point of view is probably more damaging than healthy.  There is no past, there is no future, there is only the now, and maybe the preparation for the next now. 

The 711 by my house kicks ass.  Its the one right across from the $3 theatre, and the guys that work there are about as rad as they come.  I have had my bags carried out to my car, random interesting conversations, even free slurpees.  They treat everyone that way.  The music is always cranked, the flower pots are blooming, and you’re greeted with a warm welcome whenever you walk in.  So strange to find in seattle.  The owner in particular, that man is being the change i want to see.  Its all out there, you can see it if you pay attention.  it would be much easier if all humans had name tags that said either “enlightened” or “not there yet”. 

puscifer, anyone?

Do you ever have the urge to completely open yourself up?  to become completely unguarded and honest and trusting as you are capable of?  To go into the world every day with the intention to leave a wake of positivity and hope? I feel this so intensely lately, so completely and deeply that it may even be coming off as forced.  I wonder if i can come up with an algorithm to calculate the degrees of lattitude between manifestation and force, because I am sure there’s a difference but I can’t put my finger on it.  I bet there’s a variance that has something to do with the current moon phase.

I read your words again, from another angle
right above two triangles,
and my responses were obtuse.
please forget them, I’ll rewrite them,
backspace, erase,
replace them
with organic golden spirals

what a birthday gift that would be.

or, to relive the night I lost my words,
traveled through time
back to some primal state of being
no dream has never taken me there
that trip was wide awake

remember that time i spilled the milk?